


All I'm Drawing In Is Lungfuls Of Scorched Air

by pheral



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Provides Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Supportive Alec Lightwood, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 00:37:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13693209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pheral/pseuds/pheral
Summary: I seem to be working my way through the hurt/comfort tropes for Magnus. Yay!In this short fic, a panic attack for Magnus after the events of the body swap (although it’s not specifically referenced in this fic) and Alec calming him down and comforting him afterwards.





	All I'm Drawing In Is Lungfuls Of Scorched Air

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes underneath the fic, so as not to influence you before you read I guess? Enjoy! :D

It had been so long since Magnus had experienced a panic attack, that at first he didn't know it was that at all.

The first feeling of thinning air around him had him frowning, looking around at the others in the room with him and searching their faces for a similar sign of concern. His heart-rate speeding up had him reaching out with his magic instinctively, searching for the spell or block that must have been cast to affect the air in the building.

At first the others had been swept along with his concern - they had all been in the ops room, Magnus along with Alec, Izzy and Jace, all gathered around a table and discussing the recent loss of Valentine through the portal Magnus had made just a day before.

Magnus had lifted his head, lifted his hands seconds later and summoned his magic with a barked out warning, "We're under attack."

Alec had punched up the Institute monitors instantly as Izzy leapt onto another panel to check in with perimeter teams all over the building. They'd reported everything green, double-checked all the readings while Magnus sent pulse after pulse of red magic into the air.

And then he'd let out a dry choking cough, and Alec had turned away from his monitor and looked at Magnus properly. "Magnus everything reads okay, what do you think is wrong..."

Magnus didn't reply, his eyes distant and teeth now gritted and breathing laboured, Alec could see his chest heaving and he was starting to stoop even as his magic continued to flow. Its colour was red hot and angry, urgent. Izzy was closest to him and took a step closer, calling his name, "Magnus, what..."

Magnus jolted in panic at her proximity, staggering back as his magic stuttered from his hands. Izzy raised her hands placatingly and they all stepped back, faces worried, as Alec darted around the table to be closer to Magnus. He was crumpling now, one gold tipped shoe slipped slightly on the marble floor as he folded down to one knee, and he let out a quiet desperate sound that made Alec's heart ache somewhere deep inside. One hand had moved to clutch the collar of his shirt, pulling mindlessly as he panted fast shallow breaths, and the other was held up defensively, pointed at them and spitting red sparks of magic.

"Magnus, Magnus," Alec crouched a few feet away, feeling helpless. The air felt hot and arid, waves of heat starting to flow from the warlock. "Everything's okay Magnus, everything's safe, there's no breach, I think maybe... Can you try and breath slower, I think you're panicking..."

Magnus coughed again around desperate breaths, letting out a choked sound of confusion at Alec's words. Alec stared at his hand on his collar, watched him pulling hard and the collar cutting into the nape of his neck. His eyes were clenched shut.

Alec could hear Jace and Izzy deflecting the few shadowhunters the were in the ops room with them, returning them to their tasks. He shuffled a foot forward, "I'm going to move closer to you Magnus, I'm not going to touch you I'm just coming a little closer okay?"

Magnus' upheld palm wavered, his muscles were taught with tension but he didn't reply and Alec scooted closer, folding to his knees and stopping a few feets from Magnus, closer than he thought he'd get. He could feel sweat beading on his forehead from the heat at this proximity. "You need to take deeper breaths, please, it's okay Magnus, everything's okay you just need to breathe..."

Faintly aware that he had no idea how to handle this, he looked desperately around for Izzy and she met his gaze instantly, waiting to help it seemed. "Get him to count breaths in and out," she prompted, talking quickly, "Simon says it helps with this sort of thing, get him to breath in for two counts and out for two and then increase the counts."

Alec nodded sharply and turned back, lowering his voice to a level meant only for Magnus, keeping his tone gentle but loud enough to be heard over Magnus' strangled breaths. "Magnus, hey, it's okay, listen you need to breathe okay, we're going to do this together, I'll count and we'll breathe in for two and out for two okay?" Magnus had his eyes tight shut but Alec though he saw his head tilt up a little, and took this for understanding.

Alec took an exaggerated breath and counted as he went, heartened to see Magnus' shoulders shift suddenly, apparently trying to copy him. "Now out one... two... now in, one... two..." Alec kept to a steady rhythm, watching Magnus closely, ignoring his own heart hammering hard in his chest. As Magnus managed to keep up with that speed, he increased to three seconds. By the time he got to four the sparks from Magnus' palm had faded, and he had lowered that hand to the floor, the air cooler. His breaths were heavy and ragged but slower, and his shoulders had relaxed, his head hung towards the floor in exhaustion.

"Are you... can I touch you?" Alec whispered, edging forward. Magnus nodded his head sharply, then shook it. Abruptly he stood, his movements jerky and unco-ordinated. "Well," he let out a puff of air that might have been an attempt at a laugh, "sorry, that was a little over-dramatic!" He wrapped his arms protectively around his middle and then just as suddenly withdraw them as if he realised what he was doing, his breaths still a little fast and audible.

Alec stared up at him in confusion for a second and then scrambled up to stand as Izzy was answering softly, "It's okay Magnus, you've been through some pretty horrific stuff lately."

"Yeah, and we've covered everything we need to at this meeting, we can take a break..." Jace added, his gaze darting between Magnus and Alec.

Alec stepped closer to Magnus, his fingers brushing over the other man's elbow briefly, "Yes let's take a break, we can pick this up again tomorrow."

Magnus took a deep breath. "Yes, thank you, sorry for the drama." He made eye contact with Izzy and then Jace, his smile forced. They smiled back, playing along, and Alec gave Magnus a gentle guiding nudge towards the operations room door with his hand on his lower back.

His arm slid around Magnus as they walked out into the corridor, pulling him against his side, "Are you okay to make a portal... hey, you're shaking..."

Magnus reached out his hands ahead of him and his body jerked in Alec's hold as he circled them in a familiar portal summons, his magic fizzled though, came out in uneven blasts and dissipated. He let out a desperate sounding noise and swung his arms again, the magic coming out in clouds but no less disparate. Alec gripped him tighter, concerned, and Magnus dropped his hands and twisted towards him, distressed and clearly not worried about maintaining his previous front. Alec felt his shirt bunching as Magnus grasped at it and pressed his bowed head against Alec's collarbone.

Alec pulled him closer in a hug, squeezing as if to calm Magnus' shaking. "It's okay, let's go to my room here for a moment, okay?" Magnus nodded, lifting his head a little so his stubble brushed Alec's chin where they were close. Alec pulled Magnus into a walk alongside him.

He locked the door of his room once they were in, and gave his boyfriend a gentle nudge to sit on the edge of the bed. He turned away, locked the door and switched on some lamps. He turned back to find Magnus struggling with his collar, his eyes shut tight and his fingers shaking as they tried to undo the small button at the front.

"Hey hey hey I got it..." Alec murmured as he stepped over, gently pushing Magnus' hands aside and opening his top two shirt buttons, loostening the collar and then resting his hand on the back of Magnus' neck. "Breathe, it's okay."

Magnus took a shaky breath, blinking his eyes open and then shut again, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

Alec stepped forward cautiously inbetween his boyfriend's legs where he sat on the edge of the bed, reaching his arms around him and gripping him close in a hug. Magnus didn't lift his arms but he leant forwards into him, resting his cheek against Alec's chest. Alec could feel Magnus' chest shifting just a little too fast with his shallow breathing.

Slowly Magnus lifted his arms, sliding them around Alec's back and squeezing briefly, nuzzling his face against Alec's chest and taking in a deep breath. Alec rubbed his boyfriend's back gently, trying to soothe and distract. "You're safe, you're safe," he mumbled, dipping his head to kiss just above Magnus' ear briefly.

After another minute, Magnus' breaths were calmer, his posture less rigid. Alec jerked slightly with surprise when Magnus lifted his arms in a fast swirl and he heard a portal form behind him. He pulled and Magnus came with him, slipping off the bed and staying close in his arms as Alec walked them backwards into the portal.

He regretted not turning around the second his feet hit the floor of the loft. He stumbled at the unnatural landing angle and found himself righted before he fell by Magnus, locked together in a hug as they still were. Magnus huffed a quiet laugh and met his eyes, his smile not so forced now.

Alec smiled back, "Thanks. You okay?"

Magnus nodded and swallowed thickly, his hands grasping at the back of Alec's shirt. "It's been a while since I've had a panic attack that's all, I'll be fine." He dropped his head back to Alec's chest. "I need to take a nap I think."

"Come on then," Alec pulled him towards the bedroom and guided him through the door, somewhat relieved to feel that Magnus' shaking had subsided to slight tremors. They didn't part far as they got comfy, Magnus using the bathroom briefly to wash his face, Alec fetching some sweatpants for them both and t-shirts, and they changed. He brought a glass of water from the ensuite and set it on the bedside table, climbing up to sit against the headboard with the covers thrown back and beckoning Magnus towards him. Magnus shifted slowly to join him, exhausted and moving clumsily now the panic was truly subsiding. Alec hauled him up against him, back to his chest, and hugged him tight for a second. Magnus' head dropped back against his chest in surrender, his eyes glowing in the soft lighting as he blinked tiredly.

"Here, drink some water before you sleep," Alec passed him the glass and kept a hand on its base as Magnus drank.

He finished off the glass and sighed, letting Alec take it from him. "I didn't realise I was so parched."

"Your magic was... hot." Alec noted.

Magnus shifted in his arms slightly to look up at him and raised an eyebrow slightly, a very faint sly smile creeping over his face. " _Hot?_ "

Alec huffed and squeezed him again, "You know what I mean."

Magnus smiled, softer this time and nodded, wriggling into Alec's grip and getting comfortable. Alec shifted too, and pulled the bedcovers over them. "Sleep, Magnus."

Magnus hummed in reply and shut his eyes. He fumbled for Alec's hand for a second, grasped it and squeezed, "Thank you, Alexander."

Alec brought their clasped hands up, brushed a soft kiss across Magnus' knuckles and murmured softly, "You're welcome."

**Author's Note:**

> I have a head-canon that Magnus has not had a panic attack for a while, but suffers more depressive afflictions at his current stage in life. I think the body-swap and extreme out of control nature of that would bring back that intense panic-based sort of feeling, especially as Magnus really uses his physical appearance as a sheild. To have that shield violated and the sanctity of it removed would really raise some massive anxiety I think.
> 
> It strikes me that Magnus would be someone that would be a little self-deprecating after having a panic attack in public, not a lot, as I'm sure he has tons of self awareness and probably know it's not helpful, but he won't be able to stop it showing a little. I hope that works here.


End file.
